The Daily Dosage
Alpha Bro's Gazette
By Guy Reynolds
@GuyReynoldsReal
A Case of the Feels— Good day, gentlemen.
And Craig, you asshole.
Guy here.
Already screwing the proverbial pooch.
See, I wished you all a good day, and I damn well meant it. But it’s also been my experience that more often than not, good ends up registering as a tall order for the powers that be. So, I’ll play it safe and say fair, instead.
Have a fair day, you beautiful beasts.
And on that note, try to keep this little tidbit in mind for the next time fate proceeds to go right on ahead and piss in your cheerios.
As fate tends to do on occasion.
Shit happens. And it always will. And you, my friend, are not wrong for the way you feel about that fact.
Good, bad, so-so.
Doesn’t matter.
It’s the way you feel. Not a decision you’ve made.
More, it’s the reaction you’re pre-programmed to experience. In other words, it’s involuntary. So never think you’re obligated to justify the way you’re feeling, especially to appease the concerns of others.
Unless you choose to, of course.
You do you.
But after all’s said and done, it makes not one iota of difference how anyone else assesses the situation, hombre.
Also.
Fuck what they think.
But that said…
Just because you feel it, doesn’t mean it’s real. And even though it matters, you can’t force people to care.
It’s part of the human condition to experience the ebbs and flows of both extremes.
Good and bad.
The former being self-explanatory, and the latter, a necessary catalyst for growth.
But regardless of how intense your feelings may seem to you in the moment, they will never dictate the nature of reality.
Only the way you perceive it.
A hard truth.
But a necessary one.
And here’s Guy over here, validating your emotional vulnerabilities, reminding you that your sense of well-being is not only important, but vital, which is most certainly true, because it most certainly is.
But understand me.
That doesn’t mean you get to use your feelings as a crutch you can just whip out when showing up for yourself becomes harder than normal.
Or as some half-hearted excuse for why you’re not doing what needs to be done in order to make your life the way you’ve always envisioned it.
But most of all, you don’t get to use the shitty shit that happens to you as a justification for being a shitty person.
Because that is a choice, Amigo.
The worst one.
Piss on that nonsense.
That’s what losers do. Losers with skinny wieners. Who have boy dogs that squat when they pee.
Don’t be that turd. You’re better than that. You’re ten foot fucking tall and bulletproof, baby. You’re just focusing on the cracks in the mirror, instead of the stud staring back at you.
Fret not, champ.
Happens to the best of us.
And if it just so happens, you’re feeling a little blue right at this very moment, well, that sucks for sure, but it’s going to be okay.
Because being sad means you’re still alive.
And if you’re still alive, that means you have the chance to be happy again, as well. And that’s pretty kick-ass.
That’s tacos and titties, Sally.
So, embrace that dick punch, big dog.
Welcome them bamboozles, home-slice.
And celebrate all those unenthusiastic hand jobs, Don Juan. For both the buttfuck and Bugatti are a necessary force, and act as essential components for the other.
Just like there’s no light, unless there’s darkness. Or rainbows without rain.
Gotta learn to love the suck, Babes. Cause it’s a coming, and you best believes it.
The truth is, grass is only greener when you give a shit, either way. And like the old saying goes, fellas, at the end of the day, that which does not kill you…
…is probably stealing money from your wallet right this very second while you’re in there taking that massive shit.
So, you know, you might want to pinch that bad boy off and make a mad dash for your roll, before the ice-Queen supreme bankrupts your sexy ass again.
A rookie mistake. But hey, that’s how we learn, right?
So, even if little miss Do I really have to wear the bag again? I can’t see anything and it makes it hard to use my inhaler proceeds to rinse your entire wad, and you’re stuck eating air til payday again, you’ll still rest easy. Because you already know you’re going to be okay, no matter what happens.
You got this.
And besides, that shifty-ass hellcat probably needs the money more than you right now, anyway. Seeing as how the new HIV regimen isn’t covered by most PPOs.
What?
Relax… I’m kidding.
Mine fully covers it.
Good to go, baby.
Woo!
***
There are no words for what you are. +1